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希望能顺其自然地结束,不用冒着面对面分手的风险

2015-05-04 16:18:20

十个最烂的分手理由

 

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1. “I feel like we're moving too fast.”
我觉得咱们发展太快了。

If a person says this and then suggests slowing down a little bit (maybe seeing/texting each other less during the week or whatever) then they are probably reacting accordingly to things getting serious more quickly than they'd like. Fine! Understandable! If a person says this and then suggests no longer seeing each other at all (or [ugh] “taking a break”) then they've realized that they are no longer interested in this budding relationship but would rather end on infuriatingly open-ended terms than risk confrontation.
如果一个人说这句话,并希望节奏慢一些(比如见面或者发信息的次数少一些等等),那么很可能是他不愿意你们的关系发展这么快。好吧!可以理解!如果有人这么说,并且建议双方不要见面了(或者说,“休息一下”),那么他们应该是已经意识到对这段感情不再感兴趣,希望能顺其自然地结束,不用冒着面对面分手的风险。

2. “I don't want to hurt you.”
我不想伤害你。

This one is baffling because there exists a vast middle ground between “being in a relationship and hurting someone” and “not being in a relationship and not hurting someone.” Part of it is “being in a relationship and not hurting someone”! So it's strange that the person using this line thinks that the person being dumped doesn't understand this? No one who hears this feels grateful for their feelings being spared. They might feel grateful for avoiding dating a turd.
这个比较麻烦,因为在“谈恋伤害对方” 和“不在一起不伤害对方” 之间有一个巨大的灰色地带。因为也可以“在一起但不伤害对方” 啊!所以那些说这句台词的人,难道意识不到被甩的那一方不明白这个道理么?没有哪个被甩的人会因为听到这句话对你的体贴感激涕零。他们只会庆幸没有继续跟渣人浪费时间。

3. “I'm not looking for a relationship.”
我现在还不想谈恋爱。

On its own, this is a completely valid statement. Not everyone is looking for a relationship, and sometimes people who are both looking for relationships are actually looking for different ones! Different strokes, you know? But it is without a doubt the worst kind of person who says they aren't looking for a relationship, allows the other person to walk away feeling like they experienced an honest and amicable parting of ways with a decent human whom they will think of fondly, and then announces their new relationship on Facebook three days later.
从这句话本身来说,这完全是一个有效的声明。不是每个人都想恋爱,有时候那些寻求恋情的只是在找不同的玩伴而已!不同的刺激,懂了么?毫无疑问,这种说自己不想谈恋爱的人,往往会让其他人觉得他们正跟无比喜欢的绅士经历了真诚和平的分手,结果三天后又在社交网络公布了自己的新恋情。

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4. “I'm just so ***ed up right now.”
我现在心力憔悴。

Hahaha OK, one second, because our eyes will literally never stop rolling. Sure, maybe it's true. Maybe this person is “so ***ed up.” But first of all, WHO ISN'T? And second of all, maybe stop? “So ***ed up” isn't a fixed trait (or even, if we're being honest, actually a trait at all). It's like the person who says, “I know I'm late all the time, but that's just me!” An acknowledgment isn't the end of the conversation. Being late all the time is rude. This statement means nothing. Stop doing it.
哈哈,好,一秒钟休息,我们的眼睛从来不会停止转动。当然,也许这是真的。也许这个人真的“心力交瘁”,但首先,谁不是这样呢?其次,能停下来么?“心力交瘁”不是一个可以修复的特征。就好像一个人说“我知道我每次都迟到,但这就是我!坦白不能让事情了结,每次都迟到就是不礼貌的表现。这种说辞无济于事。所以省省吧。

5. “I don't deserve you.”
我配不上你。


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This one is so sneakily manipulative, because it seems like it's about how you, as the person being dropped, are an untouchable god among men (which, maybe you are!) but in reality it's about how the other person is working through a martyr complex. It might even lead to the most absurd of scenarios, in which the dumpee actually comforts the dumper! We would never condemn insecurity, but if a person is truly interested in pursuing a relationship with someone who intimidates them, they’ll just do what everyone else does (i.e., lie about how smart/funny/interesting they are until they reach a level of comfort at which they can drop it).
这句话其实暗含玄机,这看起来说的是你——被甩的人——是多么的遥不可及,如神般存在(也许你真的是这样!)但实际上,只是别人用来脱身的妙招罢了。这还可能会出现最荒唐的情景,被抛弃的人反过来安慰抛弃者!我们从来不会怪责无安全感,但如果一个人真的认真去追求那个让他魂牵梦绕的另一半,他们做的和一般人无差(比如,把自己夸的多聪明/有趣/有意思,直到他们觉得火候已到才会展现出真实模样。)

6. “I'm just really busy right now.”
我现在太忙了。

Nobody who was ever genuinely interested in someone, and in carrying out a relationship with that person, lost interest because he or she had too many meetings that week. “I'm too busy” is an often aggravating, self-important way of expressing something that isn't wrong or illegitimate to feel — if you'd rather not spend any of your free time with someone, that's OK and good to know. But that's about the person, not about the other obligations. Also: Literally everyone thinks they're really busy right now.
没有一个真正喜欢别人并且发展着一段恋情的人,会因为这周有太多会议而对TA失去兴趣。“我太忙了”就是用这种恼人且自尊自大的方式来表达事情没出问题,感觉没有变化——如果你空闲时间都不愿意和某人相处,没问题,知道更好。这毕竟跟人有关,而非别的因素所迫。另外:每个人都会觉得自己现在很忙啊。

7. “I'm just bad at this stuff.”
我不擅长处理感情的事。

This is one of many self-pitying breakup cliches that sound like admissions of personal failure, but aren't — a close cousin of “I'm so ***ed up right now,” “I'm just bad at this stuff” romanticizes flaws like inability to communicate, manage one's time, and treat other people with respect. It's one thing to realize you've got some things you want to work on, alone, but it's another to use that recognition as a free pass to flail around helplessly. Being “bad at stuff” isn't just about the person who says it — it also affects the person who has to deal with it.
分手的时候这算是最常听见的陈词滥调之一,好像是对自己人生失败的一种总结,实际不是——这句话的姊妹篇就是“我现在真的心力交瘁”,“我不擅长处理感情问题” 把那些不善交际、无法合理安排时间、不懂尊重别人等等缺点给美化了。意识到自己有想做的事情是一回事,同时,把这句话当成是可以不负责任的说辞是另外一回事。“不擅长处理感情” 已经跟说这话的人无关了——也会影响那个跟你在一起的人啊。

8. “I still care about you.”
我还是关心你的。

This one very much DEPENDS, of course, but saying TOO many nice or seemingly romantic things during a breakup can be confusing. Compliments don't soften the blow, they twist the knife. If you extoll the other person's virtues for too long, in too much depth, they're bound to wonder why, then, you don't want to be together. It's obviously OK to hope you can make peace with an ex, but don't throw out the “I still care about you” line just because you think it'll make a breakup easier to swallow.
这句话要分情况,当然,在分手的时候说太多好听的话或者浪漫的话会让人误会。赞美也无法缓解分手之痛,赞美只是把刀弄的没有那么锋利罢了。如果你一直大肆赞美对方,对方不禁会想为什么你不愿意在一起了呢。当然你跟前任做朋友也完全没问题,但不要丢下诸如 “我还是关心你的” 这样的话,哪怕你觉得这话说出来能减轻分手的痛苦。

9. “I just wish we'd met a few years from now.”
我真希望我们早几年遇到就好了。

And we wish teleportation were real, and that it was eating brownies and not celery that burned more calories than those ingested, and that Lance Bass had been allowed to go to space. But what would the world be like if any of those things were true? We will never know!!! Just like we don't know what it means to wish “we'd met a few years from now.” Why are you so convinced you'll have your shit together by then? That seems overly optimistic.
我们也希望能瞬间移动,吃布朗宁的时候会消耗而非吸收更多的卡路里,兰斯·贝斯被允许进入太空。如果我们希望的都能实现,这个世界会变成什么模样?我们永远也不会知道!就好像我们永远不会知道“多希望我们早几年遇见” 意味着什么一样。你凭什么这么相信那时候我们也能在一起?这也太过于乐观了吧。

10. “[Nothing]” / Ghosting
一言不发/玩失踪

Ghosting, or completely disappearing on someone you've been dating for any length of time over a week, is completely gross and totally indefensible. It's thoughtless, lazy, and cruel, and don't let your self-excusing lizard brain tell you otherwise. You know what is the easiest thing to do in the entire world? Texting someone. It has literally never been easier to break up with someone in five seconds. If you can't bring your sad self to do ANYTHING else, say SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Anything on this list is better than nothing.
另一半玩消失或是彻底失踪一周以上真的让人觉得恼火且无法招架。这完全欠考虑、偷懒和残忍,也不让你能理智地分析思考。你知道这个世界最简单的事情是什么吗?那就是给别人发短信。可以在五秒钟之内简单跟别人说分手。如果你不能给自己找到任何理由,那就说些什么,任何东西。上面九句话中的任何一句也好过你一声不吭玩失踪


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